I realized something tonight. I've been trying so hard to live my life out my own resources, expecting to be able to love, to be able to serve, to be able to do everything I need to do on my own strength. I was reading an email from a missionary, and it just kind of crashed down on my. I'm trying to give something I just don't have. The kind of love a Christian is to give is unconditional and self-less. I don't just naturally produce that kind of love. That comes from Christ and Him alone. Man, I want for Him to so fill me that He overflows and touches those around me. It seems so hopeless from here, though...

Been trying to pour out from broken cisterns

Trying to drink from an empty cup.

I’ve been trying to fix all that’s wrong with me

And now I’ve come to where I just give up.

I feel like I’ve failed, but I don’t know who

“Everyone must be disgusted”

I know I must be wrong in all that I feel

“By now, I should have adjusted”

“I should know not to take this risk”

“I should know how much that jump will hurt”

“I should see that there is no hope

by now, I really should have learned.”

But You see something different

Truth is somewhere inside

And You’re chipping away slowly

At this mountain of lies

And I know who I am in You

Even though right now I can’t see

And I know You’re worth it all

And You are so faithful to me.

Currently Listening Anything Worth Saying By Aaron Shust My Savior My God see related

There is something incredibly painful to a woman about being alone. At least for some women. I'm one of them. I think its buried deep within me... I want to be supported, protected, cared about and explored. I want people to want to know me.
I have been thinking that I'm just crazy-needy lately... but its not just that (it is some). Its that for the last few months, I have felt completely alone in my life. I am the type of person who needs relationships. I don't do well without friends. And I know that God is working that out in me. But I also know that He made me who I am for a reason. He put these deep desires within me. He crafted me in my mother's womb.
I know that many women do feel alone... married women and single women alike. When we feel that we are not cared about or people don't put any affort into knowing us, it attacks our worth.
But here is some Truth... if anyone other than me is hurting like this... our worth to Jesus Christ is indescribable. We cannot even being to fathom how much that Man loves us. How much He is willing to pour into our lives. How much He is longs to meet those needs no one else can. Even the needs that are to be met by other people. If we will trust in Him, then we will see that He touches others to see how we feel. Sometimes that requires some vulnerability on our parts... but the main point is that He cares desperately, and we can trust Him!!

Different Test... more along the lines of what i have seen before. It's an odd mix, though... but then, I am an odd person.
Check it out: http://www.gifttest.org/

	The Perceiver:		50%
	The Server:		55%
	The Teacher:		65%
	The Encourager:		70%
	The Giver:		40%
	The Ruler:		40%
	Showing Mercy:		48%

My top Three:
Encourager:
The Greek root word for encouraging is "paraklesis". The scriptures show that the gift of encouragement will 1) edify and exhort 2) give peace to a troubled mind through speaking a message of encouragement and 3) bring joy and comfort.
Encouragers have the ability to call forth the best in others through encouragement and motivation. Thus naturally, people with the gift of encouragement feel comfortable around people and tend to have extraverted personalities. Anecdotal research shows that encouragers not only encourage others but also like to prescribe practical advice. Encouragers want to see people improve and succeed. They have an ability to bring new life to people who have lost their determination and feel burnt out.
Encouragers are good with every personality and gift. However, because encouragers are considerate of the feelings of others, they can easily be offended when people are not considerate toward them. Encouragers love to "fix" things and make the world a happier place!

Teacher:
The third motivational gift in Romans 12 is the gift of teaching. The Greek root word for teaching is "didaskalia". The scriptures illustrate how one with the gift of teaching uses sound, rational, and instructive reasoning to convince and help others to learn.
People with the gift of teaching are consummate debaters. It is how they convince and help others to learn. It doesn’t matter if they are in the office or at home, people with the gift of teaching are constantly thinking on their feet. Teachers need to know the reasoning behind concepts or ideas. They do not take anything at face value. Teachers can appear argumentative while they are simply trying to gain further understanding. They have the ability to synthesize ideas, which results in a constant mental flow of information. Teachers are those who need to carry pocket size tape recorders so they can record their ideas throughout the day. Their mind is always running and is filled with new ideas.
People with the gift of teaching need intellectual stimulation. They easily get bored with routine tasks. Teachers love to learn and keep their minds busy. They usually enjoy research and love the opportunity to share something they have learned.

Server:
The second motivational gift is the gift of service. The Greek word for service is "diakonia". Throughout the New Testament scriptures there are three specific behaviors or traits demonstrated. They are: 1) providing for the physical, material, or spiritual needs of people 2) taking care of the less fortunate in society such as the poor or the widowed and 3) helping in the distribution or collection of food, clothing, etc. to give to those in need.
Servers have an extraordinary ability to recognize tasks that need to be done. They are very cognizant of their surroundings. Perhaps this comes from their need to provide for others as seen in scripture. Servers are the first to lend a hand. Often they work in the background providing services that others will never see. Servers show their loyalty through action rather than words.
What motivates a server is helping someone else. Because servers have a tendency to prefer jobs in support roles, they are not usually in the forefront or public eye. They prefer to accomplish their tasks without an audience and therefore, their personalities tend to be more quiet and reserved. Unfortunately, some people interpret the reserved nature of a server and the desire to work behind the scenes as being uninterested. This couldn’t be further from the truth! Servers see the needs "behind the scenes," as essential to making things work on the "front lines."

Woo!

I AM THAT I AM

In the night when you cry,
My child, I AM
When you are pressed on every side
My child, I AM
If you feel all alone,
My darling, I AM
When you are tossed by the storm
My servant, I AM
In the pain, in the dark
the deepest places of your heart
In the joy, through the rain
when you call on My Name
my dear child,
I AM